there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
