just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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