I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
