can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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