This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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