Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
