and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
