what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need to calm my uterus...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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