She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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