apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize