The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
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I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
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We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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