I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
