woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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