I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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