I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
