Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
