It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i've created a new STD.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
