So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
