No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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