his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
