Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
