either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.