He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
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His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!