So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
