you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
