I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
