...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
