new low.... made out with someone while peeing
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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