I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
