Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
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Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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