I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize