Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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