it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
