Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
