Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
