I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
