she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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