I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
