Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
