you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??