I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis