Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.