i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im holly from the hills drunk
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend