I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children