He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
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I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?