i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
