Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Shame is for Republicans.
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