I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My life is pants optional.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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