There was a lot of him and a little penis
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize