Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
