hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
