He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
