you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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