for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
love makes seman taste better
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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