FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
