Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
