Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
