The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
