Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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