The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My life is pants optional.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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