I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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