I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
