I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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