You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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