I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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