yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
