Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
